Canada to Portugal Couple Together, Or Not At All.
Are You A Couple Living Intentionally?
3 Decades Ago I Ate My Heart Out in an intentional community. Coming together with others to fulfil a shared vision and goal of sustainable living. Together, Or Not At All.
We shared in all day to day tasks. The hook for me was that the food we created together was incredible!
We grew much of our own having built a wrap around walk through greenhouse which leaned against three sides of the house we lived in. So permaculture and closed cycles systems of living together were the primary focus.
The Internet and computers were not central to our lives back then. So today, I am fascinated to speak with this next generation couple implementing sustainable systems with technology. Building bridges of sustainable community initially in Canada and now bridged to Portugal.
If you are a BeLoved Miracles tree-hugging nature loving couple, you’re going to love Rute and Filipe’s Story of “Together, Or Not At All…”
Timestamp Highlights of the interview:
3:35 Their SECRET For How To Be A Strong Couple And Also Fully Express Yourself Individually.
4:16 How To Use A PROBLEM To Spark Awareness Of Your Actual Priorities To Include In The System You Are Implementing.
6:20 Knowing when to go away from a problem. In order to bring you full circle back to it with greater SELF-AWARENESS and clarity.
8:40 Filipe & 9:44 Rute Why Implementing SYSTEM TOOLS Maximises Your Potential As A Couple To Actually Live The Dream And Not The Nightmare
10:50 Connected By A GLOBAL THREAD
11:20 How To Overcome The LONELINESS Of Working Online
12:50 DEFINITION of A Problem For A Couple
14:02 The BRIDGING Of A Couple’s Strength Between Two Strong Pillars
15:14 COOPERATION Winning Over Competition. Reading Your Environment To Understand Which Direction It Is Going.
16:12 How BELOW THE SURFACE A Mother Tree Talks To Her Children
17:43 Community And The Internet Together Pushing The Boundaries Of SUSTAINABILITY
19:08 KEYS To Success Building Bridges Underneath The Surface
19:39 Why NO PIECE OF KNOWLEDGE IS USELESS
21:10 . How Whispering On A Blog Can Have A MASSIVE OUTREACH And The Only Right Way To Do It
22:30 Important To REMEMBER THIS When You Are A Couple
24:30 How To Love What You Do And DO WHAT YOU LOVE
26:07 Be A Couple Who Stays True To TRUTH
26:56 UNDERSTANDING Different Contexts Of Relationships Because People Are So Complex
28:50 The PARADOX Of Being A Couple, And Being Individuals
30:22 Why Nothing Actually Goes WRONG
31:00 A Couple Is Like A SINGLE CELL In The Heart Of God
32:13 All Is One. But INDIVIDUALLY.
34:00 . What BUMPS IN THE ROAD Are Good For
As Rute and Filipe share,
“So many fall into the trap of preaching the dream while living the nightmare. It’s really about finding that balance for yourself and for other people.”
What is keeping you both from achieving the success that you deserve?
I would love to hear from you in the comments below…
You Can Listen To The Audio Here:
Here is a full transcript of the interview:
Welcome Rute & Filipe!
Video Timestamp (VT) 1:22
Rute & Filipe
Hi Timothy, Yes, We love spreading the word with this amazing tool the Internet.
Yes, the Internet as a system. And systems are the emphasis of what I wanted to ask you about today. Where does your story begin implementing sustainable living systems and the Internet?
It’s easier to understand if you know a little bit more about our background. Maybe how we got started or what our needs were that put us in this position. Which is something really interesting if you really listen to the problems that you have around you. It’s really a valuable thing because you realize what you need and I think a lot of us we get really caught up in this whole thing of go-getters and you have to go get this and get that because you want it. But there’s a difference between wanting and needing.
So it started a lot with what we wanted. To get our life started as a young couple and we wanted to see each other as much as possible and at one point we ended up immigrating to Canada. Which was the opposite of what we wanted. We didn’t want to be away from people we wanted to be with our people we want to be close to our family and friends and we felt that our circumstances were pushing us in the opposite direction so at one point we ended up having very different schedules so we could only see each other usually only a couple hours every day and then really trying to do something together on the weekends.
I think that’s a struggle that is really common with most couples. Everybody has very singular dreams. It feels like it may be a very solo endeavor but in our case we kind of understood that we did have different tastes and priorities in life careerwise. But sometimes it did mingle and there were points in common that we both wanted to go into and investigate and grow so we just decided to take that on. Like let’s look at the things that we have in common that we really value and put those in the top priorities and let the individual things branch out from there so we also have the space to grow as individuals but also as a couple and a group because it’s easier if you’re not by yourself. It’s easier if you have someone there to kind of help you or to make you go and do that thing that you don’t really feel like doing it now, you know.
You’re living with your partner and it’s not just your life partner it’s your work partner so it turned into a really interesting thing. It all came about because we were away from it all. So that problem really sparked something that made us realize what our real priorities were so the whole system really started to fall into place. The Internet was a really logical solution because we were using it to contact our friends and family and to try to get the word out and share our opinions. So we figured that that would be the best way to address these problems. Even problems other people might be having in together come up with a solution to their problems. Not one singular solution but many different types of solutions for every type of scenario so we thought that the system was very malleable in that sense.
It was like a megaphone right like a big speaker phone so to speak it gave us the freedom to start pursuing things that we wanted to do whilst on our jobs. And then we would think that we had something to come back to and work together on. Even after we were coming back from our day jobs and we were tired and all that but it was that little excitement. Now I get to do that really cool thing that I want to get started, with that really cool person that I happen to live with which is amazing! So we just kind of happened to blended together in that way. So things in a general way started to fall into place like that.
So things actually got started in Portugal and then you carried it with you to Canada?
Yeah we have always lived here in Portugal. We met in high school and were really close friends. Then as we moved on to college and then we started to try to figure out who we were and what we wanted to do with our lives. We started to come across all these obstacles that made us ask hard questions and I think that’s important to. Like to start mixing up those issues identifying whatever problems we have. And then really ask questions because it will get the mind working in the “solution getting mode.” Because ideas are powerful and you start to think in parallel to the problem instead of hitting the same one so what happened is that we had to go away in order to find that in Portugal. We didn’t have the circumstances or the economy to do what we wanted to do and we were just going to be amongst thousands of other people our age that were struggling doing the same thing finding menial jobs to get by and really feeling unsatisfied with life so we felt that we needed to leave.
We learned a lot and we don’t regret it at all. In order for us to come back we had to leave. And the coming back was one of the best things that could’ve happened to us. So leaving was necessary for that to happen.
Did implementing the system begin in Portugal or did you bring that back with you after getting starting with it in Canada?
We started in Canada because once we were there we realized that this is not what we want so we went into OK let’s find a solution. Filipe’s brother was the one who told us about the system and he was using it for his business as a veterinarian. It had such good potential that we didn’t even know what we wanted to do with it yet. We didn’t have the right knowledge to implement what we wanted so the time we first got started we didn’t have the clarity that came later. For some people it’s the other way around they have a very clear vision and they just need to get the tools in order to start applying that. With us it was the opposite we saw the potential of the tools and the community online it was getting built around the system but we didn’t really understand where we wanted that to lead us so that came along as we grew and we saw what each of the tools would be good for. Like oh that would be good for this. And this is the way I can get my message out and I can start creating community with it.
The idea involved right. We began to have an idea of what we could do with the system tools that we now had in our hands. And then the idea was like growing and then we started to see the potential of all of it together. Especially altogether because we believe in closed circles. Cycles with no loose ends right so everything is connected to each other. Even so we are lovers of nature, we are lovers of sharing. Like we believe that love is what you share with other people right. And, in this case, we have a lot of value and we have a lot of knowledge now in our hands that we can share with other people. And we can learn with other people so this is a closed cycle now that we are in. With the learning and the sharing, and the Internet is perfect for that. Because usually nature lovers, especially here in Portugal, are like small communities everywhere. Everybody knows each other but they don’t have the right tools in their hands to connect with each other and share all of that potential all together as one.
And really maximize it because it brings us so together. 1000 miles away you can still work together. For us that was one of the major things and I think that is why it started in Canada because that is when we felt the need and we felt the pain of being away and feeling like the circumstances were dictating our lives and not the other way around. We were not dictating our circumstances we were just kind of letting it go so we realized that the Internet was this really incredible web that you could start weaving slowly and I can start to build up exponentially. With everybody unique and yet everybody still really going through the same things in their own way. So when we saw that the people were joining the system for all kinds of different reasons. They were coming from different backgrounds and we thought wow there’s so much diversity how much knowledge can we start to share just because we are now connected in this global thread and it’s like you said, like a lot of people we love nature and we like technology and this tool that brings everything together because it is making the offline stuff maximized. It will just impact more of what you’re doing off-line. It will just impact more whatever you’re doing off-line and not telling people to go online and be in front of the computer all the time. I know that a lot of people tend to fall into that trap of preaching the dream and living the nightmare.
It’s really about finding that balance for yourself and for other people. You do what you love and you help people do the same thing. So that it’s not hard. It’s a fun loving thing that you wake up every day and you want to go and do it because on the other side of the screen you have someone else going through the same things. You don’t feel alone anymore. Because the online stuff can be really lonely. So we love the whole community thing. And it was thanks to that that we were able to come back to Portugal and really have the guts to come back. Many people were saying, “Are you crazy? You’re going back to Portugal? The prices are so high right now and it has a corrupt government.” All this conversation going on.
But that is the switch that we needed, to share with people. It’s like OK yes it’s not the easiest way. The easiest way is to stay here with the day job and the amount of money every single month that keeps coming in and keeps you going. The easiest way is not jumping to your dream. But it is the one that you will be better at because it’s your dream it’s your willpower. Where there is a will there is away you know. So if you are willing to do something and believe in something you just need to jump into it and you need to do it right away because it’s not going to be the easiest way you’re going to find a lot of challenges but you were going to feel way more rewarded afterwards. It’s going to be like something that comes from within
Let’s define problems. Problems are everybody’s way of life. That’s how everybody earns a living by solving problems for other people. So every challenge that we find along the way I think it’s important to remember it’s a good thing. It will tell you all these little things that you wouldn’t have figured out otherwise. It’s just feedback. We had to struggle with that. When people were saying that we were crazy going back to Portugal and that we should just apply for a credit card and a mortgage and buy a property in Toronto because the real estate is crazy right now you should totally do it.
And that’s fine if you like that you can go ahead. I think it is important to have a platform and a system. Not just to go that mainstream way. Really to diversify because it’s also about saturating a specific thing. Because if there is too much of anything it will be bad. So one of the main things that appealed about this system was the immense variety and the possibilities are infinite when a system can be adjusted to your needs. I think that’s really fantastic!
I think you guys are fantastic! The word that comes to mind as I listen to you is “pillars.” Behind me you can see an image of the Brooklyn Bridge in New York City. Where two pillars are used to extend the bridge span between them. Each of you seem like that to me. You are so strong in yourselves. And what I love is this bridging between two strong pillars. Your love. Your marriage. Your family. And you’re also doing it from two locations right. From Canada to Portugal and now reaching out further to me here in Norway. So literally this live stream is bridging at this very moment. It is such a hopeful story and I am so thrilled that you guys are sharing it. Because I think ultimately that is what the technology brings to nature. It’s our ability to further build sustainability and connection. And to build a bridge. For a seed, a person, a couple, a family or for humanity. Build bridges that strengthen us.
Yes, it’s all about building bridges and connecting them in a cooperative way. Rather than in a competitive way. And it’s really funny because when you start to see these patterns occur it will be very easy for you to read your environment and understand which direction it’s going. Even before you see any results.
Like I’ll give you an example, because of our love of nature we really want to develop tools and online platforms and anything that people might need to transition to a more sustainable lifestyle. We like to push the limits of what sustainability really means. And we learned that forests and trees actually do communicate through an invisible web of tiny little roots that connect through out the entire forest. They speak to each other they send information they send nutrients to each other in order to thrive as a whole.
Through mycelium (reference Ted Talk, Suzanne Simard “How Trees Talk To Each Other”)
Through mycelium yes. Not just the roots of the trees and plants even tinier roots by fungi that cover the entire underground of forests. And it’s interesting because we as humans have finally reached that level where the communication and the sharing of information and the cooperation and the abundance can occur way beyond our physical out reach.
We were very limited into how far we could reach physically. Now the Internet feels like it’s one of those webs underneath the forest that helps connect everything so that if there’s an excess of something here or a lack of something there we know where to get it the connection is made. So everything grows together as one big forest full of all kinds of diverse people. It’s not just good for one or for the other or exclusive. It’s inclusive. You can include anybody who wants to operate under that system. And it was really cool how we found parallel patterns like that. That once we started to pay attention and realize that those little problems that come up also make us want to connect more. Because we know that no man is an island. You can’t do everything, it’s impossible.
It’s good to have community so that you can still do what you want to do knowing that you’re contributing to other people. And vice versa. Because that is pushing the boundaries of sustainability. Sustainability is not just being able to grow your own food and doing everything you need for yourself and by yourself. It’s to do that and do the same thing for others and others will do that for you. And you will have more, multiple times what you would ever be able to do by yourself. So I think it goes along those lines. A very sustainable online platform.
And as I was saying, us as a couple we are a couple and we have the same interests but we have different potentials inside of the couple. So we complement each other. I am probably better at some things then Rute is. And vice versa. So that we are a team, that like… is complete. We complement each other. We can do projects. I can take care of one part she can take care of another part. And there are projects that we can both be working on. We are the minds behind it but we have different expertise and natural potential.
Yes, It brings more richness to anything that you come into. If you can connect.
That’s it right? The success of the two of you doing that is an example to inspire others within themselves, and also with you. Now you have given me a whole new awareness which is that the bridges are built underneath the surface. Underground in the root systems just as much as they are in the branches reaching out to the sun and stretching out to reach their neighbours.
Yeah it’s growth in all directions right? And it’s indiscriminate growth in any direction because no piece of knowledge is useless. Sometimes it’s our knowledge about that piece of knowledge that is lacking. So a lot of times information comes my way. Or knowledge comes my way that I don’t even pay attention to until I feel the need for it. Until I realize what it can do for me. And I feel that way with the Internet because it is such a new thing. It is relatively new in terms of generations. I mean it’s brand-new so society is still getting used to this new thing. And it does take a little getting used to. But the potential is there and once there is enough context which I believe is really important, hence content that is useful for people. That helps them to figure out their own problems and literally give them the keys and the vehicle that they need.
Now you drive. I am not driving you where you don’t want to go. You grab the car and you drive your self, and here are the keys. But if they don’t know what those keys are for. Or if they don’t know what a car is for then they won’t see the potential in it or what it could do for them. So I feel that we now are upon that threshold where people are really realizing what something as simple as a blog can do. It’s like a speaker phone where you can whisper if you do it right and it’s not hard it can have a massive out reach.
The only right way to do it is by looking into yourself seeing what you feel and what your values are. That is what you speak. If you are true to yourself then you will be true to others. You need to find your inner peace to share it with other people.
Really well said Filipe. I am sure glad that you said that because broadcasting out that level of integrity and authenticity is so key. Let me ask you this what advice would you give to other couples who are choosing to build something together?
The one thing about couples which can be a challenge, but also can be very interesting, is the modern day balance. Because today you are working your family life and your personal life in a more blended way. Up until a few years ago you would go to work and your work was at work. Then you come home and you forget about work. Then when you were at work you forget about home. You were supposed to keep things separate. We know that is not true. We know that it’s impossible because everything will influence everything else. So when that happens as a couple it is maximized even further. So it’s important to realize these patterns in our partner. Realizing that they are not only your partner who you ask, “how was work?” Now you know how work was because you were there the whole time sharing that experience of growing together.
And in your own perspective it can be difficult because we can get caught up in our own stuff. Because now we are always in the same context. We are a couple working together and it can overload sometimes. It can be tiring. That’s why I think it can be good when they are a couple, to remember that they are still individuals. And that one individual’s dreams or flaws do not reflect on the other person and it doesn’t have to affect you. It can just be something that you observed in the other person. Thinking to yourself this is not going on or this is not working, we need to change. Or we need to change the way we talk about work. Usually you can establish different ways of relating. We are coworkers. We are best friends, that never changes. And when we are talking about work we try not to bring in one problem where something else has already come up. Because it is really easy to pile up.
So the life is blended, our personal life and our work life. Because we love what we do and we are doing what we love. Then it will be very personal all the time. But it is not just about me. It is not just about him. There is something bigger than that and that helps you be a little bit more humble. And rather than looking into our own problems and how we were pissed off because this wasn’t working. Because I am so OK with being around him I just lash out. That will overwhelm the home, infecting it. That is where you need the personal development.
That is probably our biggest struggle in working together as a couple. Because we know each other so well and we love each other so much that we know what buttons to push. And not just that but everything else too. In a regular person’s life they go to work for most of the day and then they come home and they have those few hours send with their partner. And that is OK. Here we have to spend the entire day, the entire night, the whole time together. It’s a plus. However we have to get used to dealing with each other more sustainably.
And in different contexts. Because one person is very multifaceted. So the person that will come home to you after a day job will be very different from the person that was working with you. If you now share that workspace. So it is important for them to feel safe as an individual. Both at home and at work. Being able to be alone. That is very important because you don’t want to saturated it. It is good to go out and have fun with other friends and bring in new energies. And new topics of conversation. New experiences for you to share with your partner. And it is really good to keep those communication doors open for feedback. Like. “I can see today wasn’t good and I lashed out. I will try to do better.”
Truth is the key. It’s like if you pile stuff up inside of you later on it will come out. Because you are going to be spending the entire day with your partner working with them. So you need to be able to release the pressure at the end of the day. I really liked an experience we shared when we were doing Permaculture. We had a daily sharing circle. So every single morning we would open the circle and everyone would be allowed to share with no judgment. To say what went wrong, what went good, what we produced today. What was bothering them. They could just speak and talk releasing it from within them.
Having a safe space is the biggest suggestion I would have for couples. To share and to keep tweaking all those different contexts of relationship. OK so at work we had this little issue maybe we can solve it like this or like that and us not being targets of anything personal. That can happen very often when we are close to people. Anything can happen that will hurt our feelings. And that is because we love each other so much more. So we need to keep that in mind because it is easy to be over passionate about any little flaw. At home or at work. Applying that to your coworkers, whether you are lucky enough to work with your partner or not, Understanding those different contexts of relationships because other people are so complex. Just as much as we are. Having empathy towards them so it doesn’t build up toward them anymore than is necessary.
Don’t forget because it is really important as well. We are a couple and we work as a couple. Because our goal is to bring as many people to surround us as possible. So we can have this massive web with people as well. Because I have different abilities then other people. And other people can bring their point of view to our project or to our life. So bringing couples to this couple. Bringing people around, this is really important. Don’t forget that we are not a closed circle here. We are just two people in this larger world. We have like 7 billion more. So the important part is to connect to everybody and sharing the emotional love, helping people to feel good about themselves and experience sustainability in all ways.
Yes, in every way personally financially emotionally it needs to be something sustainable. The whole thing about us being together and operating as individuals. It appears to be a paradox but it will only work if you do the two together. You are an individual inserted in a context. You can be different people. Because you will adjust to different people and different contexts. It will make you more flexible. And that is really good I think there is a lot of struggle to try to keep your own identity as a couple. There’s all that fear of you morphing yourself into the other person. Losing yourself and not knowing where one part of the couple ends and the other one begins. I don’t think that’s necessarily a concern if you feel like you are being true to yourself. If you are not feeling as if you are being forced to change. But if you want to do these changes here and there because you think the other person deserves it. I think that makes the whole process so much more interactive and healthy and happy. Because it’s just you evolving so that you fit into this context better and it adapts to you as well. Also the impact that we have on other people. So if you do both and you remain true to yourself and do it with the best intentions possible towards other people there is really nothing that can go wrong. Because if anything goes wrong it will just be seen as another opportunity to get better.
Really well highlighted guys! I love what you have shared here. And I have so enjoyed the time that we had to get to know each other more deeply so I know absolutely. That what you are sharing is through and through to the core who you are. And I have seen your efforts in the yard in the garden in nature around you. I hear listening. I pulled that out of what you shared how critically important it is for a couple to be able to listen. And also for couples to be able to listen to the surrounding world and environment around us. And it brought to mind one small analogy. It’s somewhat of a spiritual perspective that I believe really applies here. A couple is like a single cell in the heart of God. I throw that out as something that’s really impressed itself upon me. That in my union with my wife there is a common heartbeat to be found, without surrendering our individuality. Somewhat of a third experience beyond she and me. Where we share a single heartbeat. It could be thought of as a sound or a rhythm or a tone. And then when I stretch it out further it’s this imagination of being a single cell in our own physical human heart. Or maybe in a larger heart as we touched upon with Nature. That we do share a common heartbeat and we have to learn to dance together to a certain tone and rhythm of music.
Yea, that’s all it is. We are really going along with the rhythms in the patterns that show up in our life. And it’s really just about listening and observing and understanding that we all are really one. But individually. The one cell will split into two, that will split into four, that was split into eight. It will exponentially grow like that. It will still have individual cells like the beehive will be a super organism. It will behave and think as one but you still have those individual bees with individual jobs. And being their own individual bees and coming together and coordinating. Doing a little dance and the way they communicate is what makes the hive thrive. It’s not the search for just the individual validation or who’s better than who. Because we’re all really the same trying to achieve the same thing just in different ways. We will express it in different words.while we share the same heart as you said. If we remember that, especially in the toughest of times then it is that thing where we will feel more empathy for that. That person who I’m looking at who I cannot stand right now, is just me having a really really bad day. So who’s to say that you won’t need that kind of understanding when you’re having your very hard day. It will probably make it much better. So once we flip the tables around it’s really just like looking in the mirror. And so whatever you do in the mirror it will reflect that back. Implementing so that everything will run rather smoothly. Along with the little bumps in the road that is. I always find those really good, they make it more fun.
Thanks to you both! You are such a shining star example, a light reaching out and inspiring me here in Norway and I am sure for anyone else who is tuning into this right now. Those of us who are really attracted to nature no doubt will be attracted to you and your love of nature. Because ultimately together we overcome.
Rute & Filipe
Yes bringing people together is really what we are doing. It is just about bringing people together to realize their own potential.
And we have a system to do just that, using all of this technology to benefit nature. And to help each of us individually, including nature herself to find full expression. Thanks to both of you from Norway!
Rute & Filipe
Thank You so much from Portugal!
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Because together we all overcome!